What is this place?

Beards hide fat.

Plain and simple. For the past six years, I’ve had a goatee and mustache, with the ever-so-bikerish chin-strap (where your side burns meet your beard in a slender style).

6 years. I’ve had this combination for 6 years, and then one night, I realized that I forgot what I looked like. You see, I’m a late bloomer. Yup, that’s right, I didn’t completely grow up until I was 23 or so. Now, at 23 I realized that I could actually grow some descent facial hair; before then it was pretty lame.

I happened to get married at 23, and started growing my beard out right during the time I was getting hitched. After that, I was in pure heaven. Totally comfortable that I was off the dating scene and happily married.

So I ate. And my metabolism came to a scretching halt. I went from 150 pounds, to 200 in less than 11 months; but it fit me. After all, I am six foot one, and managed to keep the extra weight in order (so I thought). I looked like a full grown bloke, nothing big, but I still had the beard.

Well, I got a wild hair tonight and shaved that sucker right off. Wow, 6 years and now I look totally over weight.

I’m just brain dumping here so this may be incoherent.

Now I realize my chin is getting close to double, and boy that’s a bit scary.

Yeah, I’m vain, but after having a grandfather that had a heart attack every few years it’s scary. I don’t want to have heart issues due to fat cheeks.

I’m warped.

Yeah, I know, cheeks don’t cause heart attacks, but it gives me a reason to straighten up. Look at squirrels. You know what I mean.

So, it’s a regimate time. East well, sleep well, kill off un-needed stress, work out. I’m so doomed since I have two kids with twins in the way and am totally tired when I get home every night. Any advice? Who’s got the advil?

Sheesh, I just saw myself again and am instantly depressed. But I’m not growing the hair farm back! Time to get moving.


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